Armor and All
by HermioneGirl96
Summary: It takes seven years, but Inej finally realizes Kaz is the only person for her, and she returns to Ketterdam to tell him as much. Not particularly fluffy or steamy, largely because I tried to keep Kaz in-character. A one-shot.


**Disclaimer: Characters and setting belong to Leigh Bardugo.**

It took Inej two years to hold hands with her first mate. That was less time than the same act had taken with Kaz, but then, she was older now, further away in both space and time from Tante Heleen and her terrible clients. Inej couldn't explain why Jesper could put his arm around her waist and Nina could lay her head on her shoulder without any fanfare, while hand-holding took months of lead-up, but there was something undeniably intimate about slotting her fingers into the spaces between someone else's. She had better ways to spend her time than unraveling that particular conundrum.

Going to bed with the first mate took another three years. The first few attempts at joint undressing left Inej shaking too hard to get out of her trousers, but Pieter was a good enough man that he understood. Each time, he pulled his own clothes back on and then laid tentative hands on Inej's shoulders to steady her. But finally Inej managed to undress fully in front of him and whisper, "Yes. Please." Never had any of her clients given her cause to imagine that going to bed with a man could be a joyful act for a woman, but that was exactly what Pieter gave her. She realized that his skill in bed must come from practice, and she burned with retroactive jealousy.

Pieter had expressed his own share of jealousy when Inej had answered his questions about Kaz. She hadn't been sure exactly what to say about him, but her hemming and hawing apparently spoke for itself. Pieter wasn't able to understand how someone who burned as brightly and righteously as Inej could ever have been involved with someone who flaunted the title Dirtyhands. But then, Pieter had never been to the Menagerie, or at the Slat, or on the Ferolind, or at the Ice Court, or in Black Veil, or to any of the places where the bond between Kaz and Inej had been forged with white-hot flame.

And, in the end, that was the problem. Though Inej and Pieter fought slavers together, wound each other's bandages, learned each other's bodies, and saved each other's lives, there was still too much about Inej that Pieter could never understand. And so, seven years after Inej first set sail, she berthed her ship, scaled the roofs that would always be hers, and found her way back to the Slat.

It had been three years since Inej had last come to the Slat—she'd stayed with Jesper and Wylan during her more recent stops in Ketterdam, out of respect for Pieter—but little had changed since her last visit. Kaz still sat in Per Haskell's old office, but Inej recognized his things, organized with military tidiness, up in his old room. The window was closed and locked. She wasn't surprised at that, not given the amount of time she'd been away, and the locks were probably a good sign—if Kaz loved one of his new spiders, the window would be open for them—but Inej couldn't suppress a twinge of disappointment. Swinging herself in through Kaz's bedroom window would have helped her to feel like nothing had changed, which in turn would have boosted her confidence about talking with Kaz.

Instead of entering through Kaz's bedroom window, Inej scaled down to the ground floor and rapped on the high, squat window of the main office, which let in light without giving street-level passersby a view of what was going on inside. Kaz's eyes and the nose of his pistol both pointed in Inej's direction immediately. Then Kaz blinked, recognition spreading across his face, and lowered his gun. Inej made quick work of the window latch and slithered inside, landing gracefully on both feet.

"Wraith," said Kaz tonelessly. "It's been awhile."

"When did you put the lock on your window?" Inej replied.

"The Black Tips got a good spider about a year ago. Tried to take me out in my sleep." He pointed to a new scar on his neck with one gloved finger. "I've had the locks since then."

Inej raised her eyebrows. "I'm assuming he's dead, so why the locks?"

" _She_ is indeed dead," Kaz answered. "But I learned my lesson."

"And that lesson is . . . ?" Inej pushed.

"That I am not untouchable," Kaz said. Then he cleared his throat and said, "What business, Wraith?"

Inej had been preparing this speech in her head for weeks. "When we were seventeen I said I would have you without armor or not at all. That was stupid of me. Since then I've seen a lot of people with armor at least as thick as yours, and I've also seen the conditions that build that kind of armor. I don't know what happened to you. I want to know, but I understand if you can't tell me, now or ever. What I'm trying to say is I will have you, if you will have me, just as you are."

Kaz held Inej's gaze as he said, "I've killed 184 people in the seven years you've been gone."

"Then I've got you beat," Inej responded, maintaining eye contact. "I've killed 192."

Kaz laughed for a moment, and then his face grew serious again. "I've tried to take the gloves off. It never works."

Inej didn't need to ask what he meant. "Then leave them on," she said gently. "I've had more than enough sex for a lifetime."

"I'm not a hero, Wraith."

"I'm not asking you to be," said Inej. Then she sighed, a bit sharply. "If you want to say no, Kaz, just say no."

"I don't even know what you're offering. The Dregs will always have a place for you, but—"

"I need to keep hunting slavers," Inej interrupted. "But I could come back more often, and stay here instead of with Wylan and Jesper. We could do what you want. If you'd prefer heists to sex, we'll rob merchers. Together. If you want."

If Inej hadn't known Kaz so well, she would have missed the smile playing at the corners of his mouth. "The deal is the deal."

"You accept?" Inej couldn't help sounding a bit surprised.

"Yes," said Kaz, curtly, the faintest of blushes on his cheeks.

Inej grinned at him, blew him a kiss across the desk, and said, "Teach me to pick the locks on your window."

Kaz and Inej left the office and climbed the stairs up to Kaz's bedroom, Inej walking slowly so Kaz could keep up. His limp was worse than she remembered, and she wasn't sure whether to blame her memory or his lifestyle for that. Once they reached the bedroom, Kaz unlocked his window deftly and then spent the better part of two hours demonstrating to Inej exactly how to pick the locks. They might have spent even longer practicing the locks and perhaps even talking if Anika hadn't eventually knocked on their door.

"Boss," said Anika once Kaz told her to come in. "The Razorgulls are—oh! Inej! Hello! Should I leave you two alone?"

Kaz shot Anika a look. "I told you to come in, lieutenant. What do you think I meant by that?"

Anika pushed her blond hair behind her ear. "Right. The Razorgulls are poaching our pigeons, saying there's better gambling at the White Gull than at the Crow Club. Should we summon Dirk van der Bijl to a duel?"

Kaz nodded once. "Three nights from now, at midnight, in Black Veil."

"On it, Boss," said Anika. She closed the door behind her as she left.

"Are you hungry?" Inej asked Kaz.

Kaz shrugged.

Inej smiled and made her way to the window. "I'll be back with dinner."

Fifteen minutes later, Inej was back at Kaz's window, four hot meat pies in the pack on her back. She found the window locked—a test. She set her bag on the window ledge, wedged herself onto the ledge next to it, and got to work. It took five minutes—an eternity during a break-in—for her to crack all the locks. She knew Kaz could have done the same job in under 30 seconds, but she still felt proud of herself as she pushed the window open and slid into Kaz's room, bag in hand.

"Not bad, Wraith," said Kaz. "You'll never be my top choice as a lockpick, but this expands the variety of solo jobs you could handle."

"I'm still a full-time pirate," Inej reminded him, handing him two of the meat pies.

"And my favorite spider," Kaz replied once he'd swallowed his first bite.

Inej laughed. "What an admission from the famed Dirtyhands."

Kaz sighed. "It's not news to you."

Inej smiled. "I can still enjoy the compliment."

"Don't get used to it."

Inej wished she could touch his cheek, stroke his arm, kiss his forehead, straddle his hips, do any of the many things she'd been able to do to make Pieter come undone, breathy praise on his lips. But she had known what she was getting into when she proposed a relationship with Kaz Brekker. Instead of complaining or touching him as she was tempted to do, pressuring him to be softer or sweeter with her, she did not speak for the rest of the time it took the two of them to finish their dinners.

When the food was gone, Kaz dusted off his gloved hands and said, "I have work to do."

"I can help you," said Inej. Her vocal tone had nothing in common with that of her 14-year-old self. She was not the girl she had been ten years ago at the Menagerie. But she chose the words anyway, deliberately, to see if they twigged anything in Kaz's memory.

Kaz gave a tight-lipped smile. "Perhaps."

The two of them made their way down to Per Haskell's old office—Inej still wasn't used to the severity of Kaz's limp—and started in on the stack of paperwork Kaz had abandoned when Inej arrived. Inej could quickly tell Kaz was handing her only the least-sensitive information, but she was honestly flattered that he was letting her see behind the scenes of the Dregs at all, given that she'd never had the tattoo, hadn't run with the gang in seven years, and hadn't even visited him in three.

Inej toiled quietly alongside Kaz until nearly one in the morning, but finally she laid down her pen and blinked over at Kaz. "Can this wait until morning?"

"I'd been hoping to finish it today."

"It's not today anymore," Inej pointed out.

"It's always today," Kaz argued back.

Inej wished Nina were here so the two of them could share a look. She'd become skilled at keeping thoughts of Nina at bay—correspondence with her old friend was sporadic at best, though she knew Nina was back in Ravka rebuilding the Second Army—but being around Kaz made it harder to forget the magical hell that had been the Ice Court job and Kuwei's auction, and just now Inej felt Nina's absence like a physical ache. She swallowed and said, "You know what I mean. It's past midnight."

Kaz raised his eyebrows. "Your point?"

"You already failed to finish the paperwork yesterday. Why not get some sleep?"

"Is that how you run your ship? Putting things off in favor of a steady bedtime?"

Inej squared her shoulders; her eyes flashed. "Yes, actually. And I'm the Dread Pirate Ghafa, so I must be doing something right."

Kaz gave another of his thin-lipped smiles. "Well then, Dread Pirate Ghafa, what do you suggest we do?"

Inej lowered her eyes. "Would it be at all possible to share a bed, if we both stayed fully clothed?" She looked up when she was done speaking, but Kaz's face was inscrutable.

Kaz was quiet for several long moments before saying, "I think so."

Inej stood; Kaz followed suit. Before they left the office, Inej said, "Kick me out if you don't want me around. I know my way around Wylan and Jesper's locks."

Kaz ran a gloved hand tentatively down Inej's arm. "Wraith, believe me, the problem is not what I _want_."

Inej let out a long breath and then said, "Good to know."

When the two of them reached Kaz's bedroom, there was little to do besides fall into bed, since neither Kaz Brekker nor Inej Ghafa was the sort for pajamas. Kaz's mattress was relatively narrow, and he only had one pillow; both of these facts forced him and Inej into contact. At first, they both lay on their backs, arms touching all the way down. Then Kaz scooted away from Inej and rolled onto his side, facing her. With Pieter, Inej would have taken this as an invitation to be held, but, knowing Kaz, Inej responded to this instead by scooting back and rolling to face him.

She was nearly asleep when Kaz whispered, "Inej?"

"Yes?"

"Why did you come back?"

"I realized I need to be with you."

"But why now? Why after seven years?"

Inej sighed. "Kaz, I . . . I bedded my first mate. He was lovely. But in the end I realized he wasn't you and to me that would always be a fatal flaw. No matter how well anyone else comes to know me, you understand the defining parts of my life more than anyone else ever could. I came as soon as I realized that."

"So when you say you've had enough sex for a lifetime . . ."

"I tell you _all that_ and _that's_ what you focus on?" Inej huffed.

"Inej, I'm happy for you. I'm happy you recovered enough to do that. But I need you to know that I probably never will."

"Kaz. _I've had enough sex for a lifetime._ I promise."

Kaz reached forward, gloves still on, and ran a finger down Inej's cheek. "You meant what you said?"

"To you? Always. You know me well enough to know when I'm lying."

"True." He took a deep breath. "I love you. You're the only person I've ever loved this way and I am yours, as much as I can be."

"That's all I ask, Kaz. That's all I ask."


End file.
